Grapes

Age is just a number that represents how many years you have been alive and how likely you are to die of various ailments in the near future and how likely you are to act like a total curmudgeon.

Correction

Sometimes pictures say a thousand words. Especially pictures of newspapers.

Buzzin

Today I was walking down the street and saw this really tall guy. I was all like, "hey! how's the weather up there!?"

Man, it was funny because I was like insinuating the he was so tall that like there was like a different temperature near his face or that like the barometric pressure was different or that like there was a different percent humidity or that like the cold weather front that is supposed to be moving in tonight reached him before it will reach others so he is most likely to be the first to experience the forthcoming precipitation.

Then he punched me in the face.

Providential

There's like hecka a storm out right now that reminds me of my emotions and also that helen hunt movie but i'm not talking about mad about you. That was a tv show.

Disenfranchised

I think it's really weird when you meet a person and you find out that they own like 4 cats and also they don't have any pants on.

Snurps

Wouldn't it be weird if dogs had emotions?

Blaufuss, Ed. 1

Do you think most snakes know which other snakes are poisonous?

I bet it's like not even an issue a lot.